


The End is Heaven

by Myka



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Abandoned Work - Unfinished and Discontinued, Alternate Universe, Angst, Drama, F/M, M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2007-08-31
Updated: 2012-05-15
Packaged: 2017-11-05 11:25:19
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 14,536
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/405865
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Myka/pseuds/Myka
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Remus Lupin survives the Second War and is left to raise Teddy alone.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. the one left behind

Dolohov was in front of him. Taunting and arrogant. His wand high above his head. 'Avada Kedavra' rolling off his lips like it was the only word he knew. Remus blocked him successfully again and again. His senses sharp, his movements swift. He tried getting the upper hand, but Dolohov always managed to dodge his attack while still keeping that sardonic grin on his face that made Remus wish he was close enough so he could use his fist to smack it off the Death Eater's face.

Bellatrix Lestrange's pitched laughter suddenly reached his ears then, distracted Dolohov for that second Remus needed. He was now close enough to wipe that smirk of the Death Eater’s face. Dolohov turned his head suddenly towards Remus realizing his mistake. But his surprise was only momentary and even as he was at Remus’ mercy, the grin reappeared wider and even crueler than before. Remus barely had time to think about it before there was another flash of light and his world went dark.

\---

Something wasn't right.

Remus realized this as soon as he gained consciousness.

Not right at all.

He was alive.

“He's woken up!' the voice was female and loud in his ears. Remus recognized it. Hermione Granger.

“Remus?” Another voice asked. Harry.

“Don't touch him!” This was Hermione again.

“You're going to give him a headache if he doesn't already have one,” a new voice warned. Ron Weasley.

“Professor Lupin,” Hermione called again, softer this time. “Can you open your eyes?”

Remus found that he could. He saw three concerned faces by his side. Looking exhausted and wary, but relieved. He also recognized the familiar, pasty walls of St. Mungo’s.

“Is it over?” Remus asked.

“Voldemort is dead.” Harry answered.

Remus closed his eyes again as he processed the words. He was amazingly relieved. Voldemort was dead. Harry was alive. The war was over. But still something bothered him in the corner of his mind, the feeling that something wasn't right.

“Remus,” Hermione called again, almost carefully. He turned his head to look at her biting her lip, clear that she didn't want to say what had to be said. “Tonks is dead, Remus.”

He blinked. His face still. Calm.

Harry, Ron, and Hermione seem to wait for something, but Remus just turned his eyes back towards the ceiling and said, “I see.”

He couldn’t see their faces, but he felt their surprise to his reaction or lack thereof. Harry said his name again, but Hermione hushed him. From the corner of his eyes Remus saw her shake her head and Harry looking shocked, almost horrified. They waited for a few minutes in silence, probably waiting to see if Remus would break down. When he didn't Hermione came closer.

“Remus,” she said clearly, forcing Remus attention towards her. She struggled with her next words and Ron suddenly stepped beside her, taking her hand softly, helping her just by being there. “I don't think you understand what's happened-”

“I understand,” Remus cut her off, his voice calm, emotionless. “Nymphadora is dead. I am a widower.” _Again_. “I understand perfectly.”

Harry's face distorted slightly again, turning into something horribly sad.

Remus suddenly knew he didn't want to handle whatever came next and, with his voice still calm, asked the three if they could please let him rest and they reluctantly obliged.

Being alone gave his thoughts permission to run rampant. He had survived. He was alive. Against all odds. He had survived the Second War.

The first thing he felt was gratitude. He hadn't become another casualty, another person for Harry to mourn. Then suddenly the faces of those that he, Remus, had to mourn, still mourned, flashed before him. Remus felt the bitterness rise in him like poison. The unfairness of it all. He tried to keep the dark feelings under control, but they were overpowering and unstoppable. He knew it wouldn't be easy to get over this, but he also knew, like always, that he had too. It was inevitable. He thought of Teddy then, innocent and helpless. Teddy needed him. He had no choice.

Remus took a deep breath, realizing his throat was dry and that he wanted water. He found his wand by the bed, grabbed it, and sent a call for a healer with it. As he settled to wait for his water, the sinking thoughts resurfaced along with the other persistent feeling in the back of his mind. One that Remus now realized wasn't a feeling at all but more like knowledge. Knowledge that something wasn't right and had to be fixed.

\---

The funeral was quiet. It took place during a clear afternoon in a muggle cemetery where most of the Tonks family rested. Andromeda cried through it all, her hand held tightly by her sister Narcissa who had appeared unannounced and much to everyone's surprise and displeasure. At first Andromeda has threatened to send her estranged sister to the afterlife, but she had, surprisingly, calmed down and even accepted and seemed to appreciate Narcissa’s presence after Harry spoke briefly with them both.

Remus sat quietly near the front, Teddy sleeping comfortably in his arms, his hair a pale brown to match his father's. Remus eyes were set downwards to the ground, he had barely spoken a word all afternoon, hadn't shed a single tear.

Harry, Hermione, Ron, and Ginny sat behind him. Their faces concerned. They had met the day before to voice their worries for Remus's stoic behavior, but couldn't reach any viable conclusion except that they would just have to wait and see. Hermione had tried to put herself in Remus’ shoes and it made her heart ache terribly to think of everything he had gone through and lost. He had lost friends and family, so many loved ones, and now he was alone with a baby to take care of.

Teddy started crying near the end of the service, his hair a bright shade of furious red. Remus tried to calm him, but his efforts were clumsy and inexperienced. Andromeda started to rise from her chair, but Remus stopped her with a clear look and then rose himself muttering a soft apology on Teddy's behalf as he walked away.

Harry, Ron, and Hermione's eyes followed him until he was far in the distance, watching him trying to calm Teddy down, his face looking more lost by the second.

The three looked at each other.

Teddy screamed louder.


	2. short letters

Time seemed to fly. On September first, Hogwarts opened its doors to thousands of students who were happy to be back, happy that there was nothing to be afraid of anymore. Harry had tried to visit Remus all summer, but it had been impossible. He was no longer the boy who lived, but the man who had defeated Voldemort. Reporters constantly hovered around him no matter where he went, disturbing his every move. The Hogwarts Express was a quiet comfort he was grateful for. A lot of people had tried to convince him not to go back to finish his seventh year. He had been showered with offers of powerful jobs and positions. But Harry knew he couldn’t accept them. He had to go back and finish school. He would regret it if he didn’t. Plus it's not like Hermione would have allowed him to skip his seventh year indefinitely, he would have never heard the end of it.

Harry snapped back to reality when Ginny suddenly took his hand and wrapped it with hers. Hermione and Ron sat across from them. It was clear by the smile on Hermione's face that no one was more delighted than her to go back to school. Her head rested comfortably against Ron's shoulder.

“What are you worrying about, Harry?” she asked as she unconsciously snuggled closer to Ron.

“Some things," he admitted. “I was thinking about Remus.”

“How is he doing?” Ginny asked suddenly. “He hasn't been around since the funeral has he?”

Harry shook his head.

“We'll send him an owl when we get to Hogwarts,” Hermione reassured him. Harry sighed, an owl felt like something so little, but right now, it was all they could do.

\---

The first letter to Remus was short. A simple statement that they were back at Hogwarts, that they missed him, and that they hoped he and Teddy were doing well. The response was equally lacking in words. Remus's script looked rougher than usual, the paper not as carefully folded as Harry remembered. The words simple and to the point. _'We are doing well. Thank you for your concern.'_ But it wasn’t the lack of details that worried Harry the most. It was the picture that came with the letter, the picture Remus had showed him the night of the battle. The picture of Teddy with turquoise hair shaking his fat baby fists at the camera.

Harry stared at the picture of his godson for a long time. To Harry’s mind, this picture should be priceless. It was something that Remus had kept with him during the battle. So why had he given it to Harry?

Harry showed the picture to Hermione and Ron, voicing his concerns for it and the short letter. Hermione quickly rationalized it. That Remus must be very busy and didn't have time to spare to write a longer letter. That it was more than likely that he had newer pictures of Teddy and thought Harry would like to have one. Hermione's words made sense, made lots of sense. He could only imagine how much time and care a baby needed. But even so the little spark of worry didn't dissipate. The next day Harry took a new roll of parchment and wrote another letter.

Two a month. It became a pattern, almost a habit. Harry would ask for details about Teddy, about what Remus was doing for work. Little necessary details. The replies always came three days later, they were always worded differently, and one detail or another might change, but the basic message was always the same: 'We are doing well. Thank you for your concern.'

Hermione had changed her point of view about them and was now finding the letters slightly alarming. “We have to tell someone, Harry,” she said one afternoon while in the owlery, after reading Remus’ latest letter. Ron agreed.

“No,” Harry responded firmly. Then rephrased when he saw the look on his best friends’ faces. “I mean, let's wait. Christmas holiday is only a few weeks away, and for all we know he really is too busy to write a proper reply. We'll visit him first chance we have.”

Hermione frowned a little, but nodded. She knew that Harry was right in a way, they had no proof that anything was wrong aside their feelings. Once they could visit Remus, they would know how the situation really fared and if he needed their help, they would be there for him.

\---

They didn't waste any time in visiting Remus. Harry, Ginny, Ron, and Hermione made the trip by broomstick, since nobody was entirely sure where Remus's house was located and they knew that Remus had made apparating inside his home impossible which made things possibly dangerous.

The flight there was shorter than expected and they found the house two hours before sundown. Small, quiet, and secluded. The last one, a necessity. They knocked on the door and waited, everyone except Ginny fidgeting slightly as they waited. Nobody answered. Harry glanced at the others for a minute before knocking again harder. No response.

“I don't like this,” Hermione said, breaking the silence.

Without another word, Harry pulled out his wand. _Alohomora_. The door clicked and soundlessly swung open. It was hard to see. The only light was the one coming from the windows and it made the house look gloomier than it should. Harry's heart skipped a beat. At first glance it appeared that something had happened. Things were thrown around and dust was visible, but after a better look it was clear that the house was just in disarray and very very messy.

“Remus?” Harry called stepping inside and walking a few steps. The others followed him silently. They stepped carefully across the living room and over the things that were strewn across the floor; clothes and books mostly. On the far corner was a small desk with a quill, some unused parchments, and a set of picture frames. One of Remus, one of Sirius, and one of the both of them with James. No Tonks, and no Teddy.

The house's quietness was unsettling and Harry gulped subconsciously. There was nothing in the main living area so they headed towards the back in direction of the rooms. There was a light coming from the room farthest back. The door slightly ajar, but just barely. Harry pushed it slowly, opening it. He took a deep breath.

There was a crib in one corner of the room. Teddy was inside it standing by himself with the help of the railing. His hair was brown again, it looked even more similar to Remus' than the last time Harry had seen him. A few feet away was Remus, sitting on an old armchair, sleeping. He looked worse than anytime Harry could remember, even worse than during the time just after Sirius had died and he was going underground with other werewolves to get information.

Teddy cooed for a second when he noticed them, then suddenly let go of the rail and fell to a sitting position, then he opened his mouth and started crying as his hair turned a dark blue. Remus woke almost immediately and stood up, not even noticing Harry and the others there. He picked up Teddy in his arms with care, his voice a whisper and barely audible as he tried to soothe him.

“Remus,” Harry called. Remus half jumped half turned to look towards them. His eyes wide with surprise.

“What-” his voice struggled, “what are you doing here?” he asked roughly and unwelcoming.

The group took a collective breath and were rendered speechless. Remus glared at them for a second then just as sudden his eyes soften to be more like the Remus they knew. “I'm sorry,” he apologized, his attention back to Teddy who had stopped crying by now, his big baby eyes glancing at the strangers warily. Remus subconsciously held him closer and walked forward, forcing the teenagers to step aside and let him through. All four of them exchanged a look before following. They found Remus busy in the kitchen preparing a bottle of milk.

“What happened here, Remus?” Hermione asked as she looked around at the mess that seemed to be everywhere.

“Busy,” Remus answered simply, putting his wand away once the bottle was ready. Teddy squealed with delight at the sight of it, reaching for it with his small hands, drinking it steadily once it was in his mouth.

“You shouldn't be living like this, Remus,” she said.

Remus suddenly stood very still. “I'm trying my best,” he said sharply without bothering to look at them.

“If you need help-” Ron tried to add.

“No,” Remus snapped, cutting Ron off. “I'm fine. Like I said in the letters, everything is fine. It's just not perfect. Now please go home. It's getting dark and I'm sure Molly doesn't know where you are. I need to get Teddy to bed as well.” Harry opened his mouth to protest and Remus noticed. “This isn't up for discussion, Harry.” Remus said, his eyes growing wary, “I won't have another fight with you in front of my son.” He looked suddenly ten years older, and very very tired. “I'll come visit on Christmas. Me and Teddy. I promise.”

They felt like they had no choice. With reluctance, they left, saying soft goodbyes and wishing him well. They wanted to make it very clear that if he needed help of any kind he just had to ask.

Harry stared at the small house longer than the others feeling lost about what to do, how to help, and a little angry that he was still too young to understand some things. It wasn't until Ginny touch his arm and whispered, 'Let's go' that he finally did.

\---

The next few days were restless ones. For Harry, they were days filled with a mix of happiness for being with the ones he loved and worry for Remus and Teddy. But Christmas day eventually came and now all he had to do was wait. The last gifts he had bought were for them. A new set of quills and parchments for Remus and a small flying broom for Teddy.

The hours passed slowly and by noon Harry was already restless.

“Stop worrying. I'm sure he'll come,” Hermione tried to reassure him, but her voice wasn't completely convincing. Another hour passed then another and nothing.

“I'm sure he means to be here by dinner time,” Ron added, his face growing worrisome as well.

Dinner. Yes, he surely meant dinner.

But dinner time came and Remus still wasn't there.

“I'm going to get him,” Harry announced right after Molly had called them down for dinner.

Hermione opened her mouth to say something, but didn't get a word out because suddenly a white blur entered the room, a patronus in the shape of a Bumblebee appeared in front of them and suddenly the voice of Andromeda Tonks filled the room.

“Remus Lupin has gone insane. Help.”


	3. dangerous secret

Hermione didn't waste a second and, without saying a word, grabbed both Harry and Ron's arms and apparated them to the front of Remus's house.

The door was wide open and they could hear shouting. Teddy was screaming.

Harry ran ahead into the house and was momentarily disoriented by the brightness inside. Every single lamp in the house was lit, as if in an attempt to kill the darkness from the night outside.

Andromeda Tonks stood almost twenty feet away, near the kitchen. Teddy was in her arms crying as loud as he could, his hair turning various shades of red, blue and green intermittently. He seemed to struggle against Andromeda's hold, like he didn't want to be held by her. Remus stood ten feet away and to the side, his hands open and his arms extended like he was trying to reach something.

Neither of them noticed the teenagers coming in.

It was an odd sight. Harry still couldn't shake just how much Andromeda looked like Bellatrix. If he hadn't know any better, it would have seemed that Bellatrix was still alive and that she was trying to steal Teddy.

But it was far from that.

“Give him back to me, Andromeda,” Remus said, his voice unusually cold and demanding.

“No!' she shrieked, scared and angry, as she held Teddy closer, whose only response was to scream louder.

“He's my son, Andromeda. Give him back,” Remus said again, but this time his voice held a warning, a threat.

Andromeda's eyes widened slightly. “Don't you dare come near me, you monster!”

“What's going on here?!” Harry yelled suddenly.

Andromeda turned towards them, her eyes brimming with tears of relief when she saw them. Remus stood very still his eyes never leaving Teddy who was still crying.

“Harry, dear, thank goodness.” Andromeda said, holding Teddy tight, petting his hair softly.

“Remus?” Harry asked with uncertainty, and Remus slowly turned his gaze towards Harry as well. He didn't speak.

Andromeda gave a step towards Harry, and Remus suddenly moved closer. He leaned forward slowly with calculated menace, eyes glaring, his fingers curled against his palm, his body language screaming danger to Harry and the rest. Andromeda stopped dead in her tracks, her eyes fiery with anger, her resemblance to Bellatrix even stronger now.

“Tell them what you did,” she spat accusingly at Remus. “Tell them what you've been doing for all these months.”

Remus body language changed instantly. He straightened up, arms unmoving at his sides, his eyes looking at Harry, Ron, and Hermione carefully.

“What is it?” Hermione asked from where she stood by Harry's side, glancing questioning at Remus and then Andromeda and back to Remus.

Andromeda spoke. “For months I've offered to take care of Teddy during the full moon, and for months he's refused. He told me he's been going to the center. Somewhere where he can transform safely and where someone would take care of Teddy in the meantime.” Her voice grew angrier as she told the story. “I let it go against my better judgment, because it sounded like he really meant well, but I still wanted to take care of Teddy so I sent an owl to the center today to see if I could volunteer. I wanted it to be a Christmas present.” She took a deep breath. “And what do they say? They told me that no one by the name of Remus Lupin has ever been there, much less with a baby. So I come here to celebrate Christmas, sure that something got miscommunicated. I ask him, and he lies to me! Says he's going to the center when I know he hasn’t! And then I found them! Bottles and bottles of wolfsbane hidden on one of the kitchen shelves! Do you have any idea what he's been doing!” Andromeda clutched Teddy closer to her, giving her back to Remus so he couldn't see his son.

Hermione's eyes were the first to widen, the first to realize. “He wouldn't!” she exclaimed indignantly. She paused before turning to look at Remus and add softly, “Right, Remus?”

He avoided her eyes.

Hermione gasped and covered her mouth with her hands.

Ron and Harry looked at her, still confused.

“What's wrong?” Ron asked.

Hermione's eyes were suddenly sad as she looked at both boys. “He's been using wolfsbane to transform here,” she said. They blinked blankly at her. Still not fully understanding. Hermione sighed in exasperation. “He's been transforming here while Teddy is still in the house.”

“It's perfectly safe!” Remus suddenly snapped, his eyes half wild.

“Remus how could you?” Hermione said sadly.

Remus shook his head. “What else can I do? Everyone's gone! I'm the only one left!”

“That's not true, Remus-” Hermione started to say.

“I can't let Teddy live here.” Andromeda cut her off. “It isn't safe!”

Remus turned angry eyes at her again and Harry finally noticed the pattern. It was almost like the time back at Grimmauld place when he had seen the shadow of the wolf underneath Remus's face. Whatever that had been, it was back, hiding underneath his eyes. Getting worse every time Andromeda threatened to take Teddy away.

“You're not taking him anywhere,” Remus half snarled.

“Monster,” Andromeda whispered under her breath, but still loud enough to be heard. Harry watched as her eyes suddenly hardened, her mouth forming a sharp frown of disappointment. “I will never understand what Nymphadora saw in you, but she was so happy that I-” she bit her lip, tears stung in her eyes. “She's dead, my Ted is dead, you-”

“Ms. Tonks!” Hermione warned. Her voice was unheard.

“You should have died as well!” She gave Remus one last anger filled glare and stepped quickly towards Harry and the others, towards the door. Her movement made Remus’ head snap towards her. Wild and furious. His legs moved. He leapt.

Hermione shrieked. Harry and Ron moved in unison, raising their wands high and shouting the same spell. Remus was sent flying, landing hard against his small desk. The parchments rolled, the ink spilled, and the pictures fell and broke at Remus's feet. Remus slid to the floor slowly, his knees pressing against the broken glass of the frames, his head turned downwards in defeat.

Harry and Ron slowly lowered their wands while Hermione took a deep breath. The silence was suddenly broken by Teddy's cries. He struggled harder against Andromeda's hold, his tiny cries followed by weak, but understandable 'da-da's'. It was clear that Teddy wanted to be with his father. Remus was the only thing Teddy knew. But it wasn't safe. It just wasn't. Andromeda walked past them, ignoring Remus, Harry, Ron, and Hermione. Her quick steps carried her fast across the living room and soon, she and Teddy were outside the house and gone.

Hermione was the first to try and approach Remus. She moved carefully, slowly. Remus's shoulders shook slightly, but there were no tears in his eyes. His knees bled where they were cut by the glass, his fingers gingerly touching the broken frames of the pictures.

Hermione felt Harry and Ron behind her. They stood silent, not knowing what to say. What could they say? Remus had just lost his child and it had been the right thing to do. There were no words for this.

Ron moved closer and slowly took Hermione's hand, squeezing it tightly.

“Remus,” Harry dared to call.

At the sound of his name, Remus suddenly half gasped, half sobbed, his body shaking again like it needed air. He spoke to himself, a small phrase, whispered words directed at no one in particular, his voice choked and pained.

“Why am I alive?”


	4. fair

There was a long silence . Harry could hear everyone's breathing, the spilled ink falling, drop by drop, to the floor, the sound of the glass being crushed under Remus's weight. They tried to talk to Remus, wanting, more than anything, to help him.

Remus refused to listen.

Ron said he could come stay with his family, that he was sure his mom would more than welcome him. Hermione spoke softly reassuring him that if they talked to Andromeda they could come to an understanding. Harry stayed silent.

Remus said no to all of it. Telling them to go. Asking to be left alone. They refused. Each of them afraid of what Remus might do if left alone. When Remus saw they wouldn't leave he stood, walking carefully away from them towards the door.

Harry reacted first, his feet running after Remus, yelling, “Remus don't!”

But Remus got outside the house before them and with a brief, miserable glance back at them, dissaparated to somewhere where they couldn't reach him.

\---

They told Molly and Arthur as soon as they got back to the Burrow. Arthur dissaparated almost immediately after being told.

Molly sighed, “He'll know what to do. Now you three stop worrying. This is adult business.”

“No,” Harry said firmly. “We are not children anymore, and it’s our business too.”

Molly frowned a bit, but nodded. She opened her mouth to say something, but there was a loud crack and Arthur appeared in front of her before she could.

“There's nothing on the registry. Andromeda didn't report him. So for now he's not in any official trouble. I've informed Kingsley and McGonagall of the situation as well. Minerva went to visit Andromeda and Kingsley said he would try to look for Remus.” Arthur took a deep breath once he had told everything he had to tell.

“Good,” Molly said sounding a bit more relieved. “That's it then. Nothing more we can do right now.”

Harry felt like saying something, but forced himself to stay quiet. She was right. For as long as they didn't know where Remus was there was nothing they could do. They could only wait and hope he would come back soon.

\---

Three days after the confrontation Harry got a letter from Remus. In it he apologized for his behavior, and said that he had been wrong and that Teddy was safer with his grandmother.

Harry replied eagerly, asking where Remus was, and asking him to come back. He tried to make clear that no one resented Remus for what he had done, even if they didn't exactly understand why he had done it.

Remus said no. Remus didn't return.

That's when Harry decided that he had to find a way to help.

“I don't think it's really our business to help, Harry.” Hermione told him. “Besides what could we do? We've already tried to talk him into coming back. We even talked to Andromeda and she said she was willing to discuss it with him now that the shock has worn off, but as long as Remus stays in hiding there's not much we can do.”

“I can't just sit back and wait for this to fix itself,” Harry said. “If anyone needs this kind of help, it's Remus.”

Hermione looked at him a little sadly. She too wanted to help Remus, but what could they do?

“Why don't we just find him a new wife,” Ron said out of nowhere, like it was completely obvious and he didn’t know why no one had suggested it yet.

“Ron!” Hermione said, clearly offended by the idea.

“What?” Ron said. “He's sad because Tonks died isn't he? So maybe a new wife will help.”

Hermione stared at him with her mouth wide open. “I can't believe I'm hearing this!”

Ron looked at her. “The let's bring back Tonks then.”

“That's not even funny, Ronald,” Hermione said, her face shocked.

“Yes,” Harry suddenly interrupted. “That's it. We need to bring Tonks back.”

“Harry!” Hermione sounded even more offended that Harry would go along with this madness than she had been by Ron suggesting it.

“Why not?” Harry sounded completely lucid. “Having Tonks back would fix everything.”

“Listen to what you are saying!” Hermione was getting a little hysterical now. She glanced at both Ron and Harry who exchanged a glance and nodded to themselves in agreement. “Tonks is dead,” Hermione said sadly but firmly. “You can't bring back the dead.”

“Why not?” Harry said, his voice sharper than usual.

“Harry... it's just- it's just not reasonable.”

Harry stood then, his face raged. “Remus being alone is what’s not reasonable! Having everyone you care about and love die is not reasonable! Just thinking about it-I-I can't even imagine how horrible it must have been. How horrible it is! Almost everyone I've lost he's lost and then some. Tonks, my mum and dad, Sirius... Remember what he said, Hermione?”

She did. _'Why am I alive?'_

“It just isn't fair! None of it!”

“It's just how things happened, Harry.” Hermione said with tears in her eyes. She didn't remember when they had started falling.

“I know, but still,” Harry swallowed, a little more calm, stubbornly wiping away the few tears that have fallen from his own eyes. “We have to try. There is all this magic and some of it must be able to do this. To bring back some happiness in Remus's life. Please, Hermione. Please.”

Hermione looked down at her lap, tears still falling from her eyes. Ron touched her face and wiped them away. “I'll try,” she said softly, leaning towards Ron's touch.

Her thoughts were already filling with the impossibility of it all. But even if it was impossible. Even if it was far fetched and utterly insane to even consider researching this; much less actually doing it; even so she felt hopeful. The little part of her mind that often ignored her reasoning, the part that accepted their far fetched ideas. That little part felt hopeful. There were so many things they didn't know, so much magic out there that they still hadn't seen. But above all she believed they owed it to Remus to try. If anyone deserved something like this, it was surely him.


	5. rare and unique

Hermione wasn't at all surprised when it took her less than a month to find what she was looking for. She read the spell again for the hundredth time since she'd found it, mulling it in her mind, calculating. She couldn't help but think that something was missing from it. The book she had found it in didn't explain anything about possible side effects or negative repercussions from the spell. She couldn’t imagine a spell like this not having any risk. It was as if someone had removed or omitted that information from the book on purpose and that made her very nervous.

Hermione sighed and closed the book. She knew she didn't have much of a choice. She really couldn't keep the discovery of the spell from Ron or Harry after she'd promised to tell them. Her conscience was evil like that. She just wished she was more sure of it, but no matter how much she searched other books the spell was not mentioned anywhere else.

She sighed again. It wasn't fair to waste more time.

\---

“You're so amazing, Hermione,” Ron said after Hermione told them about the spell. She blushed red at his words, working to keep her face straight as she tried to explain. The fire of the Gryffindor common room crackled behind her. It was late, well pass midnight to guarantee them some privacy. Hermione sat with Ron on one of the couches while Harry and Ginny sat across from them.

“So how does it work?” Harry asked without hesitation, leaning forward so he could listen better.

Hermione looked at her notes for a second, biting her lip, stalling on purpose. It was that rational part of her brain again, glaring at her, saying: “you know you're not suppose to do this. You know you can't do this.” But then she met Harry's eyes, expectant and hopeful. He wanted so much to help. They all wanted to help. In the end, her good heart won over her common sense. “Well, it's not as specific or simple as bringing someone back from the dead,” she began. “Spells like that just don't exist. Period. But this one is about lost happiness, lost love, and how to bring it back. Since the spell is not specific, I believe it can bring a person back if that's what Remus really needs.”

Harry frowned a bit. “I don't quite understand.”

“Think about it this way.” Hermione began as she pushed her hair behind one ear. “Imagine Ron wants some ice-cream - imagine -” she emphasized when Ron opened his mouth to protest. “Imagine he wants ice-cream more than anything else at that moment, loves it, that he needs it. If we cast the spell at that very moment, then Ron will get his ice-cream.”

“So if Remus wants Tonks to be back more than anything, then she will come back?” Harry asked thoughtfully.

“Theoretically,” Hermione said with a bit of a shrug.

“Brilliant,” Ron murmured a little lost in thought. Hermione could almost see what he was thinking, the possibilities he was imagining, and she had to stifle a chuckle.

“But isn't it illegal to bring people back from the dead, or try to?” Ginny asked.

Hermione looked at her carefully as she answered the question. “I wouldn't say illegal, just impossible. Well, or at least no one has ever done it before as far as we know.”

Harry thought of the resurrection stone then, remembered the story of what had happened to Cadmus Peverell when he had used it. How he had been driven to suicide because of it. But this wasn't like that. Cadmus had been alone, Remus had them. “I don't care,” Harry said firmly. “I don't care if it's illegal. Just think of all the illegal things we've done over the years, some even for our own selfishness. This is completely different. We are trying to help someone.”

Everyone looked at him without saying a word. Hermione was the only one that looked like she wanted to say something, but instead kept her mouth closed. There was nothing they could say. He was right after all.

\---

They set about making preparations for the spell, collecting the things they would need. Hermione was able to acquire most of the necessary items herself, but sometimes she had to enlist Harry and Ron to help. There was a sense of urgency in completing the preparations. Harry had said he wanted to try and do the spell as soon as possible; ideally, within a months’ time. Teddy’s first birthday was in a month and it was Harry’s wish for Tonks to be there for it.

Most of the items weren't that rare, or at least not hard to find. Hogwarts was like an endless supply of magical items, and they somehow seemed easier to acquire now that the war was over. No matter how rare or unique the item, the teachers were more than happy to hand them over without asking too many questions. The hardest item to get had been a blade made from an unicorn's horn, which Hagrid had in his possession. He was the one that hesitated the most before finally handling it over. The sharp, rare blade completed the list. With it, Hermione had everything she needed to perform the spell, except one thing.

The most important thing.

“So when can we do it?” Ron asked after Hermione had told them they had all the items.

“Anytime,” Hermione half lied.

“Tonight then,” Harry said, his eyes determined.

Hermione frowned a bit. It was now or never. “Well, we do have all the items for the spell, but there's something else we need,” she said softly.

Harry blinked at her in confusion, “What?” he asked.

For the first time since coming up with this plan, Hermione felt fearful for what they were about to try. Did they really dare to try and bring someone back from the dead? What if they succeeded? Would Tonks still be the same? And what if her return wasn’t the result the spell yielded, what if Remus's happiness laid somewhere else? Hermione couldn't even begin think of all the possibilities. For all she knew, what Remus wanted most now was Teddy. It occurred to her that they might be about to, in a sense, kidnap Teddy. It was really insane to try this.

“What else do we need, Hermione?” Harry asked again, more urgently.

Hermione took a deep breath. “Remus.”


	6. deception

Harry was not the least bit deterred after knowing that they needed Remus to be present for the spell. Even after Hermione had told him this, his determination to move forward and try the spell that very same night didn't change. He told everyone that they were moving forward; that they were meeting that night near the Whomping Willow, and that they were doing the spell that night no matter what.

Harry assured the others that he would get Remus to Hogwarts. He knew he could do it; he would just have to be a little deceptive. Even if no one knew where Remus was right now, at least Harry knew he was somewhere because whenever Harry sent a letter to Remus the letters never returned and the owls never gave letters to anyone except their intended recipients. Which meant Remus was somewhere accepting them, but not responding to them. Those letters were the key to bringing Remus from hiding. Ever since that fateful day with Andromeda Harry had taken it upon himself to relay, and paraphrase, the letters Andromeda sent to Harry and his friends about Teddy. Like when Teddy caught his first chocolate frog, and when he first changed eye color. Harry was keeping Remus informed even if Remus hadn't asked to be. He wanted Remus know how Teddy was doing, even though Harry tended to skip the not-so-good news. Like how Teddy has kept his father's brown hair since they parted, and how he would cry, often for hours, no matter what Andromeda did.

So it wasn't hard for Harry to write a letter that said something was wrong with Teddy. A letter that Remus would have no reason to disbelieve. A letter that was sure to force Remus to come out of hiding and seek out Harry for more information. Harry was sure Remus would come, like Harry had requested, after dark, near the Whomping Willow.

\---

Everything was ready.

The moon shone brightly, three quarters full, just days from the full moon. It offered more than enough light to see. Hermione marked a large circle with the pixie powder she had procured from Slughorn that represented the area where; theoretically; Tonks should appear. She then marked smaller circles around the lines of the bigger circle where she would have to place the other items needed for the spell. Ron and Ginny helped her without asking too many questions, removing broken branches and other debris that didn't belong in the circle.

Now they could only wait. Everything now hinged on whether Remus showed up or not.

Harry remained close to the tree, watching, waiting. Ginny tried twice to approach him and strike a conversation, but it proved rather pointless since Harry would just take her hand and stare at the tree more intently.

“Harry?” she asked softly, trying again. “You do know that Remus'–“ she bit her lip, “that Remus' situation is not your fault right?”

He looked at her then, slightly perplexed by the question. “Of course I do,” he said.

“You don’t blame yourself do you?” she asked more earnestly.

Harry hesitated and looked at his shoes. “Maybe. Just a little. ”

Ginny frowned as she looked at Harry's face, but didn't say anything else because she knew, that on a reasonable level, Harry did understand that the war and all those deaths weren't his fault. It was the stubborn and subconscious part of him that refused to let go of the sense of responsibility he felt for Remus.

Harry suddenly took a sharp breath that made Ginny look forward. The hand holding hers quickly let go as Harry ran towards the Whomping Willow.

“Remus!” Harry called as the clear shape of a man appeared from underneath the tree. Harry came to a sudden stop when he got close enough to see Remus, his eyes widening. “Remus?” Harry asked carefully. Remus met his eyes and shock hit Harry squarely in the chest. Remus looked horribly pale and gaunt.

Remus approached Harry with fast steps, his face twisted with fear and anxiety. He grabbed Harry's shoulders tightly when he reached him. “What happened to Teddy?” he asked abruptly his voice threatening to crack in his panic.

“He's,” Harry tried to say and couldn't force the lie out. He had done this. Remus looked like he was about to die from worry. This, for once was really his fault. “I'm so sorry, Remus,” he said earnestly, “Teddy is fine. Nothing happened to him.”

“But you said-” Remus started. Then comprehension dawned on his face. He understood. “You lied.” It wasn't a question.

“I'm sorry,” Harry repeated, a lump forming in his throat.

“I'm leaving,” Remus said sharply, his hands letting go of Harry's shoulders and started to turn.

“No!' Harry yelled reaching a hand towards him. “Please, Remus!” Harry felt suddenly desperate. “We are bringing Tonks back for you! Don't leave!”

Remus stopped and slowly, very slowly, turned around to look at Harry. “You what?”

The plan spilled, unbidden, from Harry's lips, word after word of everything they had kept secret until know. When he had finished he could do nothing but stare at Remus and wait for his reaction.

Remus was very still for what felt like hours. Then, slowly, he began shaking. Harry thought Remus might be crying, but he quickly realized he was mistaken. The older man clenched his hands into fists as his eyebrows knitted together and his eyes darkened.

“I-” Remus stopped, tried again and failed. He put a hand to his forehead and closed his eyes, trying to control his boiling emotions. “Harry,” he finally managed to say. “I don't know what made you think what you just told me is appropriate or alright.” He glanced around and saw the circle. “I cannot believe you – all of you - thought it was alright!”

“But-” Harry tried to defend himself and the others.

“No.” Remus cut him off. “There will be no discussion about this, Harry. You will return everything you took, clean the mess you made and forget this ever happened.”

“We are just trying to make it better!” Harry yelled in frustration, refusing to give up. “You deserve to be happy, Remus. It just hurts so much when I think about you and what you must be going through that I had to do something.”

“I'm perfectly fine, Harry,” Remus said in a lifeless tone, running a hand over his eyes again.

“That's a lie! Just look at you! Remus, you say you are fine but your appearance says something else and I'm afraid,” Harry swallowed hard and forced himself to say it, “I'm afraid you might hurt yourself. Kill yourself.”

Remus looked at Harry sternly for a few seconds then closed his eyes, suddenly looking exhausted. “I do wish – no – I do believe I would be better off dead. Almost every day I wake up and just don't understand why I'm still breathing. But that doesn't change the fact that I am. And I would never think of killing myself.”

“That doesn't matter, Remus!” Harry shook his head. “Just look at you! They way things are now you won't last the year! You're dying.”

Remus looked startled for a second. Not so much surprised by the words, but more that once he heard them aloud they confirmed something he already knew. It was true. Every word. He went through the motions of every day, eating when hungry, sleeping when tired. Everything was the same everyday, except himself. He saw the lines of his faces grow more defined, the gray in his hair multiplying. He felt weaker and weaker after each full moon. A year Harry had said. It was possibly less than that. “Then I will welcome it when the time comes,” he said to Harry in a low rumbling tone and turned to leave.

“No,” Harry whispered almost to himself. Remus ignored him. Then out of nowhere Harry suddenly had his wand between his fingers, pointing it at Remus' back. Harry called Remus' name and Remus turned slowly, his eyes going wide when he saw the wand. His mouth opened but no words came out, red sparks burst from Harry's wand, the spell spoken. Remus landed with a loud thud a few feet away from the tree, unconscious.

Someone screamed and it took Harry a few seconds to realize it was Hermione. He remembered that he and Remus weren't the only ones there and suddenly was overwhelmed by the other's presence.

“What have you done, Harry?” Hermione shriek as she looked between Harry and Remus.

“You stunned him.” Ron said sounding more amused than surprised.

Ginny was already by Remus's side checking on him. “He's breathing fine,” she said. “He's completely out cold though.”

“Just do it,” Harry suddenly said to Hermione. “The spell. We need to do it before he wakes up!”

“Harry, surely you don't think it's appropriate to force the spell on him,” Hermione said almost horrified by the idea.

“Yes I do. I'm not watching him die!”

Commotion ensued. Hermione’s protests continued while Ron and Ginny helped Harry move Remus to the circle. Eventually Hermione realized she was fighting a loosing battle and that they would do the spell with or without her help and it would be a much better idea if it was with her help.

“Wait,” she ordered just before they put Remus inside the circle. “I need to take some blood.” Hermione half ran to where the items for the spell laid and grabbed a small wooden cup and the unicorn blade. She approached Remus slowly and said a soft, “I’m sorry,” before she pressed the blade against the side of his arm, collecting the blood that fell until the cup was full.

“What do you need that for?” Ron asked.

“We can’t expect to get something without giving something in return,” Hermione answered.

They laid Remus on the left side of the circle carefully and stepped away. Hermione didn't waste any time and poured the blood from the wooden cup beside Remus. She then quickly collected the items and, one by one, placed them where they belonged around the circle at the same time as she chanted the spell.

_“Discerning fate – a broken heart – lost love – lost faith – to return – to heal – soul – grief – return to him where his happiness is.”_

There was a sudden bright flare of light that forced everyone to shut their eyes. A loud roar crashed against their ears. Louder and louder until… BANG. The light disappeared and the quiet night returned. There was something like mist rising from the circle that made it impossible to see.

Harry rushed forward, calling Remus' name in a panic. He tried to swipe away the thick mist, coughing as it got into his lungs. He could see shadows through it. A body on the side where the blood had been spilled.

Harry suddenly realized that they had done it. They had succeeded.

But as the mist cleared the body became more defined. Broad shoulders and dark hair and clearly not female.

Harry blinked, realizing who it was but unable to believe it.

It was Sirius Black.


	7. the source fo happiness

Harry stared silently at the two bodies in front of him. His eyes knew what he was seeing, but his brain just wouldn't believe it. Suddenly, Harry became very aware of the others beside him: Ginny, Ron, and Hermione. He felt their presence like a strong anchor that attached him to the reality of the situation. It was because of all of them, because of what they had done, that they were seeing Sirius Black lying motionless beside Remus Lupin.

Hermione was the first to move. Silently and slowly forward just a few steps. She was careful not to touch the circle, which was still seeping the mysterious mist, as she pulled out a large cloak from her handbag and threw it over Sirius, who was quite naked.

Harry tried to say something once Hermione had returned to their side, but no words would come out.

Sirius stirred then, claiming their full attention. A soft, long groan escaping from his lips. Harry and the others watched silently as Sirius slowly opened his eyes, blinking quickly at first as he became less disoriented by his surroundings. His eyes eventually settled on Remus who was still unconscious in front of him. A loving smile appeared on Sirius' face as he watched Remus, apparently not even noticing they had an audience.

Very slowly, Sirius raised a hand towards Remus' face, his fingertips gently touching Remus' forehead, pushing his hair away from his face. Remus suddenly moved as he took a deep breath, his head leaning towards Sirius' touch. He made a sound low on his throat as he regained consciousness, his eyes slowly opening.

Remus stared at Sirius for what felt like an eternity, feeling the soft fingertips against his skin. Then suddenly he closed his eyes, held his breath, slowly opening them again as he released it. His eyes widened slightly when they met Sirius' again and he gasped.

“Did I die?” Remus asked.

Sirius now reached with his other hand, cupping Remus' face with both hands, his smile widening. “No,” he said.

Remus released another gasp that turned into a sob as tears appeared at the corners of his eyes. “Then how?” he asked as his voice broke.

“Magic,” Sirius answered simply.

A couple of tears fell from Remus' eyes as his body started shaking out of his control. Sirius reached forward, wrapping his arms around Remus and pulling him close until Remus' body pressed against his and Sirius could place a soft kiss on Remus' forehead.

Remus whispered Sirius' name as he gasped, like a wish, a prayer. Sirius kissed him lower, over his eyelids, wiped his tears away, one hand trailing a soft brush of fingers against Remus' face, his thumb across Remus' lips.

Harry was suddenly yanked backwards, a strong grip on his arm pulling him away. It took Harry a moment to realize it was Ginny, who walked intently forward without looking back, her hands tight around Harry's arm. A small sound of protest came from beside him and Harry turned to look to see Ron in a similar position as Hermione gripped his arm.

They settled further down the hill, at least fifty feet away. Hermione and Ginny looking rather flushed. Harry and Ron just looked confused.

“Why did we leave?” Ron asked and Hermione looked at him with incredulous eyes.

“You don't honestly think we were going to keep staring like idiots,” she said as she looked at Ron, “Let's give them some privacy.”

“It's Sirius!” Harry exclaimed with delight, his eyes surprised and bright.

Hermione smiled a genuine smile. Ginny joined her. Harry's happiness was contagious, his eyes attentive towards the area where they'd left Sirius and Remus.

“I thought Tonks was supposed to show up,” Ron said and Hermione and Ginny both rolled their eyes at him. Never underestimate a boy's ability to miss something even when it's staring him right in the face.

“It could have been anything or anyone, Ron,” Hermione told him.

“Tell me how the spell works again,” Harry demanded, his expression thoughtful.

Hermione looked towards Harry. “The most important part is that it brings forth whatever that person needs to be happy.”

“So, Sirius?” Ginny asked.

“Sirius is what Remus needs to be happy,” Hermione answered.

“Does it have anything to do with the fact that they're probably snogging right now?” Ron said, his face looking a little pale.

Hermione tried to stifle a chuckle as she imagined what Ron must be picturing. “It doesn't have to be,” she said. “They just are. Is anybody actually surprised that they’re, you know,” she blushed, “together?”

“Not me,” Ginny said with a grin. “You guys should have paid more attention when we were at Grimmauld Place.”

“I feel like I should have known, but didn't.” Harry said a little melancholic.

“I'm still having mental pictures,” Ron said, grimacing a little.

They stopped talking and turned toward the sound of approaching footsteps. Harry, Ginny, Ron, and Hermione looked up and watched as Sirius walked towards them with Remus in tow beside him, their hands clasped together between them.

“Breaking the rules again, are you?” Sirius said with a grin, stopping just a few feet from them.

Harry took a deep breath and ran forward, wrapping his arms around his godfather's waist like a lost child, hiding his face in the cloth of the cloak. Sirius looked at Harry a little surprised, but it quickly morphed into a soft smile as he petted the top of Harry's head with his free hand. Harry slowly let go and gave a few steps back, his head bowed in embarrassment, stopping when he felt the others behind him.

Hermione was smiling like mad, her face bright. “Hey, Sirius,” she said.

Ron nodded at him, “Hey,” he said, clearly happy as well, but still looking quite confused.

Ginny looked happy too, happy for Sirius, for Remus, for Harry.

The questions of how and why stuck on Harry's tongue, wanting all the answers. But he forced them down, suddenly realizing that they didn't matter. He looked up to see Sirius' face more clearly. He studied Sirius, noting subtle differences. Sirius' hair was a little longer than he remembered, his face clear of the lines Azkaban had given him and more youthful. In fact, he looked much the same as when Harry had used the resurrection stone.

Harry didn't stop looking as he felt Ginny quietly take his hand. The touch made Harry notice Sirius and Remus' own intertwined hands, then he looked at Remus whose other hand was wrapped tight around Sirius' cloak, being as close as he could possibly be without it looking too odd. Harry had the instant feeling that this was for their benefit, that Remus burned with need to be closer. It was all too clear by the way his eyes wouldn't leave Sirius' face. Harry also noticed that Remus seemed different too, his face a distinct contrast to his pale, drawn, sickly appearance when he had arrived at the Willow. He, too, looked younger, his hair darker, his face less lined.

“It's great seeing all of you,” Sirius said. “All grown up and paired up to too,” he added with a grin. Hermione was the only one to blush.

Sirius tried to give a step forward, but was held back by Remus who clutched at him tighter preventing him from moving. Sirius met Remus' eyes and gave him a reassuring and understanding smile. “We need to go now,” he said to Harry, Ron, Hermione, and Ginny. Harry looked disappointed so Sirius patted him on the shoulder, “I'll send you an owl, and I'll come visit, ok?”

Harry nodded slowly, his smile suddenly back. Sirius smiled too and without another word turned to look only at Remus, holding his face with his free hand. Remus leaned instantly towards the touch, like a magnet. “Ready?” Sirius asked. Remus nodded and with a loud crack they dissaparated together.

“Well,” Hermione said, breaking the silence and startling everyone a little. “We better start cleaning up.”

Ron groaned loudly, but was the first to head up the hill when Hermione glared at him. Harry and Ginny followed close behind. There was an extra bounce to Harry's step, a bounce of happiness. The dark cloud of worry had finally dissipated, and even if things hadn't gone exactly as they'd imagined, Harry thought the future looked brighter than it had for a really long time.


	8. bonded

The little house was dark. It had been abandoned now for weeks. The front yard was empty until a loud crack disturbed the quiet night.

“I can't believe you still live here,” Sirius commented when he saw the house. Remus stayed quiet and gripped Sirius' hand tighter as he looked up at the house too. A gust of wind made Remus shiver and Sirius pulled him closer. “Let's get inside,” Sirius said and led Remus forward.

The main living area was still in the same state it had been left the night Andromeda took Teddy. The desk askew, the ink spilled and dry, the pictures broken and the glass on the floor. Sirius passed them all by, not even giving them a second glance. He pressed his hand tight around Remus', heading straight towards the master bedroom, knowing the way by heart. The room was dark and Sirius lit one of the lamps without needing a wand. His eyes met Remus' and he tried to free his hand, but Remus resisted, refusing to let him go.

“I'm really here, Remus,” Sirius said, as he placed his free hand on Remus' neck, his thumb stroking Remus' cheek softly. “I won't disappear if you let go of my hand.”

Remus made a sound of protest and Sirius raised their clasped hands until he could kiss the top of Remus' hand. Remus hadn't spoken a word since the initial shock had worn off. He brushed his lips gently across the top of Remus' hand. “I won't disappear if you speak to me, either,” he said. “I'm not going anywhere. Please say something to me, Remus.”

Remus bit his bottom lip hard, tears in the corner of his eyes. Sirius pressed their mouths together, a soft brush of lips, and slowly Remus let go of his hand so Sirius could hold the other side of his face and kiss him deeper.

The kiss left Remus gasping for air. “Sirius,” he whispered as he drew a deep breath. He said Sirius name again and this time he grabbed Sirius' face and pulled him in for another kiss. Afterwards he stared at Sirius' face, hesitantly running his fingers through Sirius' hair, pressing the tips of his fingers against Sirius' brow and down the side of his face, one thumb across his lower lip. “Are you really here?” he asked, voice barely a whisper.

Sirius reached up and grabbed both of Remus' hands, holding them tight. “I really am,” he answered, his grey eyes honest.

Remus choked on a sob and threw his arms around Sirius, holding him tightly. Sirius put his arms around him and Remus pressed his face into Sirius' shoulder and, finally, felt Remus smile.

\---

Ginny removed the last of the pixie dust from the ground with a careful swipe of her wand. Once she was done she looked up to see that Ron and Hermione were talking softly nearby as they put the items they had used for the spell carefully back in Hermione's bag. Harry was standing a few feet further up the hill, staring at the moon.

“Harry?” she called when she was close enough.

Harry turned slowly, giving her a soft smile as she approached, returning to look at the moon once she was beside him. She watched him silently for a while, wondering what was going through his mind, wanting to ask how he felt right now, but not wanting to interrupt his thoughts. She called his name again, and he took a sharp breath.

“Did we do the right thing?” Harry asked. It sounded like Harry was just thinking out loud, rather than expecting Ginny to answer him.

“I don't know,” she answered honestly. “But it's not like we can undo it.”

“It's just,” Harry started, then looked down at the ground for a moment seemingly in thought. “I'm happy that Sirius is back. I truly am. But knowing that it's Sirius what Remus wanted and not Tonks makes me think. I don't know if I did the right thing by forcing him to go back to Tonks if he wasn't happy with her. I said such horrible things to him that time, and he still forgave me. I haven't even apologized.”

“Harry, I don't think that Sirius showing up tonight means that he was unhappy going back to them, or that he didn't care for his family. I'm sure he did in some way, but that is something only he knows.”

Harry was quiet for a few moments then suddenly laughed bitterly. “I never noticed. I never saw it. And it was always there right in front of me. I should've known. When Sirius died-” he choked, a lump forming in his throat. Harry closed his eyes, remembering that moment. Sirius eyes brimming with shock, voiceless as he disappeared through the veil, then Remus’ sudden presence behind him, pulling him back, saving him from sharing Sirius’ fate. “When Sirius died, Remus stopped me from going after him. He held me so tight, and when he spoke... it was so clear that it was killing him inside, and I still didn't see it. I was so blinded by my own anger and pain that I didn't bother to see it.” Tears were falling from Harry's eyes now, and he swiped them away as soon as they came out. “I should have seen it.”

Ginny stepped in front of Harry and held his face between her hands, pressing them gently against his face, trying to tell him it wasn't wrong to cry. They all had their personal demons to fight. They all had things they needed to forgive themselves for. “Do you mind that they are together?” she asked him, knowing the answer, but also knowing Harry needed to hear it out of his own mouth.

“Of course not,” he said firmly.

Ginny smiled. “Then now you can tell them that,” she said. “I don’t think it will matter to them that you didn’t know before.”

Harry stared at her for a long moment, then slowly smiled as he put his hands over hers. “Yes,” he said. “I can.” He leaned in to kiss her, the tears now gone.

\---

Sirius sat comfortably on Remus' bed, his back and head resting against the headboard. Remus sat between his legs, his head comfortably on Sirius' shoulder. Their hands were clasped together in front of them.

Sirius felt the warmth of Remus' body even through the layers of cloth between them. This was best for now. This peacefulness. Becoming reacquainted by each other’s presence. Remus needed this. Needed to feel Sirius' touch. Needed to know he was there. But then the line of Remus' neck caught Sirius' eyes, called to him, and before Sirius knew it he was leaning in and pressing his mouth against the soft flesh. Remus' pulse beat against his lips urging him forward, calling for more. Remus made a sound low in his throat that made Sirius very aware of just how naked he was beneath Hermione’s cloak. He growled, unable to resist temptation and pressed his mouth harder against Remus' neck.

Sirius' hands had left Remus' and were now roaming, finding their way underneath Remus' robes and pressing his palms and fingers across the skin on Remus' shoulders and around to his chest. Remus gasped when Sirius' fingers brushed against his nipples. He threw his head back and met Sirius' eyes. He felt those eyes drawing him in until Sirius was kissing him deeply as Sirius' hands began roaming lower. From his chest down to his stomach, and lower still. Sirius fingers found the edge of Remus' trousers, slipped past them with ease. Remus gasped again, breaking the kiss, when Sirius' fingers found his half erect cock. First a teasing pressing of fingers causing little jolts of pleasure that heightened when Sirius finally wrapped his hand around him and began stroking slowly.

Remus moaned and Sirius felt the heat increase between them like fire. Sirius felt it boil inside him until it was sharp and raw and all he could think off was that he needed Remus, he needed Remus around him, wanted him. Suddenly the clothes had become a nuisance, and they had to go. He pressed his mouth against Remus' again, whispering his desire as their lips touched. Remus met his eyes with a throaty yes. They barely moved, swiftly, fingers grabbing bits of cloth and removing them. Sirius paused briefly to take Remus’ wand and place it beside him, in close range.

Sirius groaned when Remus' bare skin pressed against his own, his hands quickly roaming across the front of Remus' body, his mouth fast on Remus' neck. He grabbed the wand at his side, pointed it against his right palm and muttered the spell, feeling the warm liquid spread over his fingers. Without hesitation, he pulled back a little, putting some distance between them so he could press his oil covered fingers against his already hard cock, stroking it a few times to make sure it was covered with the slippery liquid. Next he touched the small of Remus' back with them, making him lean forward a little, and slowly reaching down, searching, Remus made a sound when Sirius found the small opening, pressing against it then slowly pushing one finger inside Remus. His left hand found Remus' cock at the same time and started stroking again, setting a pace. Remus arched back against him, moaning Sirius' name until Sirius pushed a second finger in, then a third. “Please. Please,” Remus said with need and Sirius let go of Remus' cock, pulled his fingers out and grabbed Remus' waist with both hands, pushing him just a little so he could place the tip of his cock against Remus' opening.

Sirius growled low in his throat and pushed, but stopped suddenly when he felt Remus' body become rigid. “Sirius!” Remus gasped, his voice desperate. “Sirius I need to see you!” The anxious tone in Remus' voice made Sirius bite his lower lip and hesitate. It woke him up from the daze he had been. He knew it was too soon for this, that Remus needed more time to connect the things his body was feeling to what his brain was believing. Remus needed more time to heal, and to heal mentally above else. Sirius knew this better than anyone else and he still allowed his libido to get the best of him. But he couldn't stop now. He knew that stopping would just make things worst. If he stopped now Sirius knew Remus would interpret it as a rejection no mater what logic Sirius put behind it, and a rejection from Sirius would destroy what was left of the Remus he knew and had come back for.

Sirius helped Remus turn around so they could face each other. The new position gave Remus a slight height advantage as he knelt straddling Sirius’ hips, and the first thing he did with it was grab Sirius face and kiss him. “I want you inside me,“ Remus said against Sirius' lips. “I need it.” Sirius leaned back, his upper torso reclining against the headboard. Remus gripped the top of the headboard for support as he came up on his knees, letting Sirius hands on his hips guide him until he felt the tip of Sirius' cock pressing against him again. Sirius wrapped his arms tight around Remus then pulled down gently as he rocked his hips upward. Sirius felt Remus' body slowly opening for him, the warmth surrounding him little by little. Remus sank slowly, torturously, until finally Sirius was completely inside. Finally, they were whole.

Remus took a sharp breath and Sirius ran his hands up his back, holding him even tighter. They kissed again, moving slowly at first, then faster. Together. Remus lifted himself up while Sirius pressed his hips down into the mattress, until only the head of Sirius' cock was still inside and Sirius drug Remus’ hips back down, thrusting deep inside him. Remus' palms left the support of the headboard and ran across Sirius' collarbone and neck, fingers curling into skin as they moved together.

Sirius allowed himself to get lost in it, drinking in his lover. His voice a low, deep rumble, almost primal, as he uttered Remus' name between moans. Remus' voice grew louder in Sirius' ears as he called his name. Sirius longed for more than this physical connection, wanted to get inside Remus' mind and remove all of Remus' pain and doubt, and let him know that they belonged to each other.

Remus threw his head back as Sirius thrust inside him again. His cock was trapped between their bodies, the friction combined with the press of Sirius inside him bringing him closer and closer. His arms wrapped around Sirius' neck, he kissed him once. “I can't hold on anymore,” he mouthed against Sirius' lips.

“Together?” Sirius asked with another thrust.

Remus moaned. “Yes,” he hissed and he came in a sharp burst that shook his entire body. Sirius came with him, inside him, uttering a deep groan, gripping Remus possessively. Remus melted against him as he took one deep breath after another, his heart thumping wildly against his chest. He looked at Sirius in silence, slowly touching him again, fingers trailing from his face, down to his neck and collarbone until his palm rested on top of Sirius' chest above his heart. “It's beating like mine,” he said.

Sirius smiled. “Of course it is,” and kissed Remus.

They laid on the bed, exhausted. Sirius' fingers gently traced across the mark he'd left on Remus' neck. Sleep called to Sirius, but he refused to close his eyes until Remus did it first. And that wasn't happening. “We should rest,” Sirius said as he held Remus' hand. “We can talk more tomorrow.” Remus stared at him for another moment then slowly nodded, but Sirius noticed his resistance and gripped his hands tighter. “I'll still be here when you wake up. I promise.”

Remus smiled back, knowing, in his heart, that he was hearing the truth. “Will you take me with you if you go?” he teased.

Sirius met Remus' eyes. ”Yes,” he sighed and wrapped Remus in his arms protectively, making sure his touch would be the first thing Remus felt when he woke up.


	9. a new family

Two days after they'd done the spell Harry received a letter from Sirius telling him that he and Remus were staying in Remus's house until the end of the next full moon cycle. In it Sirius good-naturedly remarked that if Harry were not legally an adult, he might have found himself grounded for the use of illegal spells.

The letter was cheerful, it made Harry smile one of those stupid smiles that won't leave your face for the entire day. In the middle of the afternoon Harry was called to McGonagall's office and had been given the password. It still felt a bit odd going up the spiral staircase, knowing that Dumbledore wouldn't be there, that it was now McGonagall's office.

Harry had barely made it inside the office when a pair of arms surrounded him into a strong bear hug.

“Sirius!” Harry exclaimed.

Sirius beamed at him. “I couldn't give you a proper hug the other night so now we're even.”

Harry smiled back, then looked forward and saw McGonagall, waiting for them. Harry thought she looked both happy and sad. He sat on one of the chairs in front of her, Sirius sitting on the other.

“Where's Remus?” Harry asked turning his head towards Sirius.

“Taking a nap, so I can't stay for long,” Sirius answered. “I came because I could use your help, Harry.”

“Why, about what?” Harry asked. “Is this about your inheritance and Grimmauld place? You don't even have to ask if you need them.”

“No, no,” Sirius said quickly. “We're still trying to figure out how to deal with my status and things like that,” he glanced at McGonagall for a moment, “Minerva's going to help with that and I'm sure Kingsley will too. No. I - we - Remus and I need your help with some family business.”

“Family business?” Harry asked.

Sirius nodded and glanced at McGonagall. She cleared her throat lightly and met Harry's gaze. “Harry, I'm going to allow you to leave Hogwarts for a couple of hours,” she looked at Sirius, “next Thursday, Sirius?”

“Yes,” he answered, “After the full moon.”

“I'm allowing you to leave for a couple of hours next Thursday,” she repeated, looking at Harry again.

“Why?” Harry asked as he looked at Sirius.

Sirius met his eyes. “We are going to Andromeda's house. We're getting Teddy back.”

\---

Harry counted the days until Thursday. He decided not to tell the others that he was accompanying Sirius and Remus to Andromeda's house. Sirius had included him as family, because he was Teddy's godfather. It didn't feel right telling the others just yet. He purposely lost Ginny, Ron, and Hermione after their first afternoon class and went straight to McGonagall's office like he'd been told to do. McGonagall was waiting for him in front of the fireplace and cut right to business as soon as Harry stepped in. “Ready?” she asked, and Harry just nodded.

She threw the floo powder on the fireplace, “Remus Lupin's residence,” she said and the flames turned a light green. “This is for going only,” she told Harry before he stepped in the fire, “to come back you need to apparate to Hogsmeade and talk to Aberforth,” Harry nodded and gave a step forward. “Harry,” she called, her voice losing some of the authority and gaining some familiarity. “I understand why you would want to keep this sort of situation family only, but if there's any problems, any at all, about anything, don't hesitate to call.”

“I won't, professor,” Harry said with a smile and walked into the fire. He felt the rush of being transported, and he landed with a thud in a dusty fireplace. Harry coughed a few times before stepping out of the fireplace and looking around the room. His mouth dropped opened in surprise when he saw the room. The last time Harry had seen this room it had been a complete mess with broken glass and spilled ink adding to the filth of neglect. Now it was far from that. Everything was clean and neat, the desk righted, the pictures reframed. There was a murmur of voices coming from down the hall, from one of the bedrooms, Harry walked towards it.

“How about turquoise?” he heard Sirius ask.

“No,” Remus answered. “That's his favorite hair color. He doesn't need more encouragement in that department.”

“Purple?” Sirius asked again, his voice clearer now as Harry got closer.

“We are not painting my son's walls purple,” Remus said, sounding almost offended, and Sirius laughed.

Harry knocked on the door where the voices were coming from. It swung open almost instantly. “Harry!” Sirius said as he hugged him and pulled him inside the room, which Harry now recognized as Teddy's bedroom. Teddy's bedroom with half the walls a light blue color and the other half a bright red. Both the chair and the crib looked polished, the crib with new sheets, and two stuffed animals sitting on its corner, a dog and a wolf. On the small desk was a picture of Tonks in her Hufflepuff uniform, smiling and waving at the camera.

“Hey, Harry,” Remus smiled at him.

“Ready to go?” Sirius asked both.

“Sure,” Harry answered.

Remus gulped. Sirius touched his arm, “It'll be all right, Remus,” he said as he met Remus's eyes. “One thing at a time.”

Remus nodded slowly, though he didn’t seem very reassured.

Harry looked at them in silence, remembering the night Sirius had come back, remembering his conversation with Ginny. “I'm sorry,” he said out loud, and both Sirius and Remus turned to look at him.

“What for?” Sirius asked.

“For not noticing,” Harry said simply, looking at them both.

“Noticing what?” Remus tilted his head slightly.

Harry felt the embarrassed blush on his face and couldn't help but stammer. “You two.”

Sirius smiled broadly, Remus did too. “Why would have you noticed?” Sirius said still smiling, almost teasing, “no one was supposed to notice but us,” he touched Remus's hand softly.

“Then why now?” Harry started to ask, but couldn't think of the right words.

Sirius put a hand on his shoulder, and Harry felt the comforting weight. “Now there's no reason to keep it just between us anymore,” Sirius said, his voice a little lower.

“We better go,” Remus interrupted, “Harry doesn't have the whole day off, and Minerva will blame us if he doesn't make it back for dinner.”

They walked outside after that, locking the house and apparating together to the front of Andromeda's house. Harry was closest to the door with Sirius and Remus behind him. Remus looked nervous and Sirius put an arm over his shoulder in encouragement. “It will be all right,” he repeated to Remus, who slowly raised his fist and knocked on the door.

“Just a minute,” they heard Andromeda's muffled voice from inside the house, followed by a soft click as the door was unlocked. Andromeda's cheerful face instantly froze, quickly replaced by surprise. Her eyes moved fast from Harry, to Remus, finally settling on Sirius. “It can't be,” she whispered, giving one step back.

Remus opened his mouth to speak, when Teddy's sudden cries could be heard from one of the rooms deeper inside the house. Andromeda moved fast, her wand suddenly in her hand pointing it at the three men. “Who are you?” she demanded.

“Put that down, Andromeda.” Sirius said in a firm tone. A tone that made Andromeda waver. She recognized it.

“But you died,” she said. “It can't be you.”

Sirius stepped forward, past Remus and Harry. He ignored Andromeda’s hostile posture and her aimed wand and met her eyes. “I was the first person in our family you told that you were in love with Ted, remember?” he said, “and I told you that no matter who you married I would always support you.”

Andromeda's eyes widened, her hand shook. “You were the only one who came to my wedding,” she said, lowering her wand slowly, “out of all my family.”

Sirius smiled. “It's good to see you again.”

Andromeda dropped her wand and threw her arms around her cousin, hugging him tight. “It’s so good to see you, Sirius,” she said with honesty.

As they let go, Teddy gave another loud wail and reminded everyone of his presence. Andromeda muttered a quick apology and rushed out of the room. Sirius turned to Remus and Harry who were still standing by the door and nodded for them to come in. Harry closed the door behind him as Remus walked to Sirius's side. Andromeda stepped back into the room, a still crying, browned-haired Teddy in her arms.

Remus inched forward at the sight of his son, wanting more than anything to hold him, but Sirius quickly wrapped a hand around his wrist stopping him. Remus turned his head slightly to meet Sirius's eyes, clearly asking why. Sirius gave him a curt nod, asking him to wait just a bit longer.

“Can I talk to you for a moment, Andromeda?” Sirius asked. “You can leave Teddy with Remus and Harry.”

Andromeda hesitated, noticing Teddy had stopped crying and was looking intently at Remus. But then slowly stepped towards Remus. Sirius slowly let go of Remus's wrist, and Remus stepped forward, meeting Andromeda halfway with arms outstretched, taking Teddy and pulling him close. The effect was almost instant. Teddy gave a high squeal of delight and his hair turned turquoise. Remus’s face broke into a wide smile.

Remus whispered soft words to Teddy as he kissed the top of his head. Sirius smiled warmly behind them, then stepped around and touched Andromeda's arm, leading her somewhere where they could talk privately.

Harry walked up to Remus's side after they had gone, not wanting to interrupt, but wanting to be part of the moment.

Remus noticed and smiled at him, “Let's sit while we wait,” he said and walked the few steps to one of the couches in the living room. Harry followed, but remained standing beside Remus who was once more talking softly to Teddy who kept making happy noises as he touched Remus's face.

“Want to hold him?” Remus asked, looking up. Harry nodded, slowly reaching out. Teddy gave Harry a wary look but allowed Harry to hold him. After a few moments, Harry’s glasses claimed Teddy’s attention and he grabbed them, pulling them off Harry’s face. Harry protested softly, but happy that Teddy seemed to accept him. Remus gave him a warm smile.

“I never thanked you,” Remus said out of the blue, making Harry blink. “For bringing Sirius back. Thank you.”

Harry bit his lip a little. “I'm sorry,” he apologized again without thinking. He seemed to be doing that a lot lately.

“About what?” Remus asked, confused.

“For yelling at you at Grimmauld Place. I said some horrible things and I didn't know. I shouldn't have tried to force you to go back to Tonks if you didn't love her.”

Remus pursed his lips. “I did care for her, Harry, in some way,” he said slowly. “I’d rather not talk about Nymphadora. It doesn't seem fair to her that she's not here, but at the same time I'm so happy that Sirius is. It was no secret that things weren't working between us, but I kept dwindling and waiting, and then she got pregnant. I never intended to marry her, much less have a child, but after losing so much I had completely given up on believing I could be happy, and she was always so happy if I was around her. So I thought that I might never be happy, but that I could at least make someone else happy.” He took a deep breath. “Better one miserable person than two right?” He tried to smile, but Harry knew he was holding back tears. “It wasn't because I wanted to leave her that I wanted to go with you, Harry. I wanted to feel useful, I wanted to help. I didn't want to stay cooped up in a house and be safe.”

Harry nodded, looking down at his shoes. His thoughts were interrupted by the opening of a door and Harry looked up to see Andromeda, her eyes a little red, walking towards them with Sirius a few steps behind her. She approached Harry and reached out to take Teddy from his arms, his hair going back to brown the second she touched him. Andromeda sighed and walked around until she was in front of Remus.

Sirius stepped beside Remus, and Remus stood up, never leaving Andromeda's eyes. “You will give him to me every full moon, and every time you need a babysitter, understand?” she said. And Remus blinked, confused, then nodded once in agreement.

Andromeda kissed Teddy's brow gently and passed him over to Remus's open arms. Teddy squealed in delight again, looking at his father's face for a while then looking at Sirius. Without saying a word Remus offered Teddy for Sirius to hold, and Sirius slowly reached out, taking Teddy very carefully as if he might drop him. Teddy looked at Sirius warily for a moment, before poking him in the nose with his small hands.

“So you're Teddy Lupin-Tonks,” Sirius muttered softly.

“Lupin-Tonks-Black,” Remus corrected quickly, giving Sirius a look that dared him to say it was too long or inappropriate.

Sirius didn't dare, and instead nodded with a smile as Teddy seemed to consider Sirius thoughtfully. Then snatched a handful of Sirius's hair, yanking it hard, and then turned his own hair black.

“What an interesting sprog,” Sirius said with a grin and Teddy yanked his hair again.

“Stop pulling Sirius's hair, Ted,” Remus said, reaching out and taking Teddy from Sirius's arms. Teddy was more than happy to return back to his father's arms, switching his hair back to turquoise almost instantly.

“He's a chameleon!” Sirius said jokingly and Remus frowned at him.

“Don't call our son a chameleon,” he said and turned to look back at Teddy.

Sirius blinked, then slowly smiled, giving Remus a quick kiss.

There was a knock on the door, and Harry, being the closest, opened it.

Narcissa Malfoy stood on the other side. Her eyes widened in surprise when she saw Harry, and her surprise only grew as she looked past Harry. “It's really true,” she whispered to herself.

Harry didn't know what to say to her so he just stepped aside and let her pass.

“Narcissa,” Sirius said, sounding surprised, and not pleasantly so. Remus held Teddy closer to him.

The tension in the room heightened palpably, “I called her,” Andromeda said, “she-”

“I'm here to help,” Narcissa said with honesty, “make amends.” She met Sirius's eyes, “it's really good to see you, Sirius.”

Sirius nodded once, but seemed reluctant. Narcissa seemed to noticed and stepped towards the kitchen. “I'll go make some tea,” she said and left. The tension in the room decreasing once she was gone.

Andromeda touched Sirius’s arm. “Talk to Harry about Narcissa,” she said softly. Sirius nodded.

She approached Remus then, touching his shoulder lightly. Remus turned towards her slowly, Teddy's head resting against his shoulder. Andromeda gave him a soft smile and hugged him catching Remus off guard. “Be happy,” she whispered in his ear, and Remus's confusion quickly morphed into a smile as he nodded once.

Sirius touched Remus back lightly. “Let's go home,” he said.

Remus's smile widened, looking at Sirius, then at Harry, and finally at Teddy who was half asleep against his shoulder. “Yes,” he agreed. “Home.”


End file.
